the_pale_queen ([info]the_pale_queen) wrote,
@ 2009-02-17 19:57:00
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Entry tags:i hate my job, sick

Rant and Illness

I wish I knew what do to about work.

I'm clearly as deeply unsuited to this job as I have been to the legions of other crap I have done since leaving university. I should have listened to the small, still voice that screamed "Why are you applying for this job? The reason the PR place didn't renew your contract wasn't your writing skill, they loved that, it was your lack of organisation!". But I didn't, because I was so damn desperate to get out of the phone job.

I'm trying to put down the rampant paranoia, the panic, the shakes and the perenially upset stomach down to the lingering effects of this stupid virus. I wish I could. I'm so damned tired all the damn time, and I'm so so sick of finding jobs that I'm just not any damn good at. I know I'm not stupid - I have a good fucking degree - so why can't I do anything well? 

Sorry for emo. Also for excessive use of the word "damn". My vocabulary seems to have got stuck in the Georgian era today. It's only a mercy that my spelling hasn't.


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[info]cat_that_walks
2009-02-18 12:12 am UTC (link)
Organisation is, I find, a concept that happens to other people. Making it up as you go along does work quite well, even if the time honoured techinque of improvising suddenly and violently and all over the place tends to get frowned upon by the squeamish.
Things will get better.

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[info]the_pale_queen
2009-02-20 10:57 am UTC (link)
I shall keep that lovely phrase in mind to warm me the next time the stupid clinical director comes down to rant at me. Thank you ;)

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[info]cat_that_walks
2009-02-20 12:21 pm UTC (link)
The new post doesn`t give as much options as the old one, but it`s always an option.

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[info]ima_itrew
2009-02-18 12:40 pm UTC (link)
Speaking as someone who is in *exactly* the same boat (sans own place away from folks) I understand. It strikes me that we should put out heads together and work out the best way to approach said dilemma. But thinking that you're not good at anything will not help.

As you keep finding work no matter how much you don't like it.
And that says to me that you're even decent at that things you hate ;) xxx

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[info]the_pale_queen
2009-02-20 10:56 am UTC (link)
I don't know, sometimes I think I'm just a good enough roleplayer that I can get into the head of someone who would be good at the job long enough to get it...

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[info]the_pale_queen
2009-02-20 10:58 am UTC (link)
Oh, and forwarded you the other NHS jobs bulletin from my work address ;)

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[info]rebby
2009-02-19 10:38 am UTC (link)
Know how you feel ;-) Is it your not good at some things in your job or that you are to conscientious & know all the mistakes you’ve made? Do others perceive your work in the same light as you or do they see you succeeding?

Cynical head on : I’m getting more convinced that caring too much about the quality you perform your job is not always a good thing and sometimes we need to use the blag/confidence factor to progress. (this is not every job or for every company but to have a self confidence and to get the job done to a good quality but not worry about if it’s the best)

Put your lrping head on and become a role in the office.

So what’s your degree in?

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[info]the_pale_queen
2009-02-20 10:54 am UTC (link)
My main problem is that I'm not all that organised by nature. I've developed a certain amount of skill that way over school, university and larp, but it's straining badly now that my job is to keep fifteen people's eggs in the air rather than just my own.

It's a 2.1 in English Literature and Film and Television Studies from Glasgow. It's an irritating degree in that it covered most of the same social and theoretical ground as a load of other degrees from the Arts and Social Sciences Faculty but sounds horribly pie-in-the-sky. I really do wish I'd had a better idea of what might be useful in future when I was 17. If I'd done biology, occupational health, speech therapy, psychology or nursing, I would feel less educated and less able to judge a number of things independently as a person, but I suspect I would have a far more interesting job right now.

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[info]calum_mac
2009-02-19 02:05 pm UTC (link)
Hugs. Lots of hugs at the moment. Get all the stress out this weekend by hitting people and angsting :D

cal

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[info]the_pale_queen
2009-02-20 10:59 am UTC (link)
That's the plan. Angst and armour ;) Ta :)

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